A Bird Set Free


I'm sitting on the floor in the San Francisco airport writing this e-mail to you.

I returned to a city where I've experienced so much the past 19 years. It was a hard trip but also a wholly liberating and joyous one.

Hard because:

  • Being here was like coming face to face with ghosts of a past that wounded me deeply. 

  • I walked by the places I used to live, neighborhoods I used to walk daily, that I no longer belong to but tried so hard to fit it.

  • Sounds, smells, and sights that caused me some anxiety as I experienced them again, the mind playing those tricks where it confuses time and thinks painful experiences are happening again.

It was also joyous because:

  • I got to meet my beautiful niece and became an aunt for the first time.

  • I spent quality time with my family and enjoyed fun moments with close friends.

  • My bond with my mother became even stronger and I enjoyed spending time with her so much.

  • I ate some of the delicious food I had missed so much (Tacos and enchiladas oh my)!

and finally, it was liberating because: 

  • I was able to put to rest any pain I carried from the past. A huge weight was lifted off my shoulders and I can now focus on an exciting, loving future in Greece.

The most important of this trip was realizing I had to put to rest the girl I used to be here, the girl I used to cling to, the girl that was heatbroken, hurt and traumatized.

I thought I had to let go of the city, the other people and the experiences I had here that no longer are a part of my life. 

But the truth is I had to let go of the me that was still clinging to all those things. That girl no longer is trying to hold tight onto my hand. I finally had the strength and was able to comfort her instead of waiting for someone else to do it.

I finally said goodbye to her, told her she's safe and simply let go.

For the first time in a long time, I'm free.

Here's a Sia song that perfectly describes how I feel right now. 

Comment to let me know: What is something that you're holding on to? It's one of the hardest things us humans have to do, letting go. Especially if you're a high achiever with obsessive and addictive traits like I am :) 

Here's a cool interview that highlights some Hidden Demons of  High Achievers.